Paul Simon - Hearts And Bones (1983)

You should never judge an album by its cover. Still, Hearts And Bones has one of the worst covers I've ever seen. It looks like a VHS still image from a snuff film that's sat in a puddle for ten years. And what the hell is that guy wearing?

The other Paul Simon album I've reviewed was his self-titled album, and included what I expected when I thought of "Paul Simon music"- largely light-hearted folk-based rock. The 80s were not kind to most music, and it looks like Simon has been ensnared by the synthesizer monster, and it's made him sick, hence "Allergies".

The title track is much more what I was expecting. Instead of being soaked in obnoxious synth like a Phil Collins song of the same era, the synths are much more subdued, like what Dire Straits was doing at the time. In general it was probably a good idea to do things more like Dire Straits and less like Phil Collins. Most of the rest of the 80s disagreed.

Hearts and Bones sure is eclectic, and I'm not sure I can get behind it. It's certainly an 80s album with all the typical synthy cliches and needless reverb which makes the drummer sound like a drum machine. Paul Simon still knows how to sing just as well as he did in the early 70s and writes interesting music, far more interesting than the crap I just heard on Seventeen Seconds. These tunes probably would have sounded excellent had they been played in a much grittier era. It's sad that such good melodies  had to be ruined simply by being written a decade too late.

"Train In The Distance" delves into soft-jazz and features a lot of "ah-OOOOM ah-OOOOM" and "WOO-WOO" sound effects by Simon himself. The least they could have done is hire that guy from Police Academy. I didn't realize that everyone loves the sound of a train in the distance. I'm a railroad engineer for Pete's sake, and I don't even love that. Also, did you know that cars are cars all over the world? "Engine in the front, jack in the back. Wheels take the brunt, pinion and rack." Did Paul Simon really write these pieces of cheese?

At the very end of the album, tacked on to "The Late Great Johnny Ace" is a short piece of a well-arranged violin & flute music. If more of the album had that sound and real instruments and less synth Hearts And Bones might have been pretty good. But it wasn't really. 2 stars. This material deserved better than the 80s.