Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation: 1814 (1989)

The album opens with a friendly message from the Borg collective. I never expected them to be so into 80s dance music. "Rhythm Nation" is a loud digital-industrial 80s dance track with a cheesy theme of togetherness. The year 1814 does not play into the track at all. Hopefully the album will eventually inform me what that number has to do with anything.

"State of the World" tells a lot of dark tales of homeless children, and I know the song wants to sound all tough and gritty. As with most things in the 80s cheap synthesized music makes the song sound too fun and boppy. So it sounds like music kids would want to dance to, except the lyrics talk about how so many of them are homeless.

"The Knowledge" has a really heavy-handed back-and forth section between Ms. Jackson and a defiant chorus. It goes like this:

Jackson: Predjudice?

Chorus: No.

Jackson: Ignorance?

Chorus: No.

Jackson: Bigotry?

Chorus: No.

Jackson: Illiteracy?

Chorus: No.

The rest of the song sounds like a PSA about teaching children to read and write. At the end of the song Janet asks if I get the point. Without even hearing my answer (I get it, now stop singing your crappy music.) she says, "Good. Let's dance!" Uh, you didn't even ask if I wanted to dance.

"Living In A World (They Didn't Make)" is so incredibly corny. It's produced as a ballad, and with any other lyrics it would just be another terrible pop ballad. But oh, the lyrics! "Children grow to become our young adults. Problems of the world. They must learn how to confront. Doing drugs and joining gangs to rebel." The opening sequence of "Escapade" is so awful it needs to be heard to understand.

"Black Cat" is probably the best song on the album. It's a hard rock song in the vein of standard hair metal, and from what I can tell it features an actual band. It's nothing special compared to the rest of rock music, but compared to the rest of Rhythm Nation: 1814 its chunky chords and driving tempo are a masterwork.

So obviously this album has very little to offer me. The songs are completely synthesized and dated. The lyrics are obnoxious and cheesy. The composition offers very little of interest. If I were to pick a positive, it'd be that Janet Jackson's voice is inoffensive. That doesn't sound like much of a compliment, I know. I'm probably just a bit crusty from having to listen to Beyonce or Christina Aguilera belting really loud to sell me on their similarly unimpressive music being powerful or whatever that Jackson's softer approach is much appreciated.

But that's it, the rest was pretty lame. 2 stars.