When I saw the runtime listed as 140 minutes I was really hoping that was for the uber-deluxe edition and I wouldn't actually have to sit through more than 2 hours of an album I'm unlikely to enjoy. I didn't even know what kind of music Mr. Size had to offer, I was just going on instinct. Unfortunately this album really is more than 2 hours long, which in vinyl terms would be a 4-LP release. Even more astonishing is this is the debut album for this group. Not to be too disparaging without hearing them play one note, but wouldn't it be smarter to hold a bit back and save something for the second album just in case people actually wind up liking you? Or maybe Roni Size & Reprazent were counting on lots of people defaulting to the, "Oh my god, they're so epically AWESOME!!!" just because their first album was really long.
So... this album is meant to fit into the "drum'n'bass" genre. I see that conjunction and it makes me think of two instruments, namely drums and bass. On the one hand I was worried because a genre that features only two instruments has the potential to be really boring, especially over the span of a quadruple album. On the other hand, and really good bass player and a really good drummer can make really cool music. The aptly titled "Bass N' Drums" off Zooma by John Paul Jones is a good example. So before pressing play I was a bit excited by the prospect of exploring the artistry of a bass & drum two-piece.
Two and a half songs in and I'm starting to think I've been had. So far, it seems the genre name is a misnomer, and drum'n'bass is really just standard techno music that features an actual bass player. I can't say for sure whether the "beats" are supplied by an actual drummer or a machine, but it sounds so similar to the trash I just listened to on Homework that I have to guess no one in the studio ever picked up a pair of drumsticks and sat behind a kit. This is so disappointing.
To make matters worse many of the songs on the track listing before me stretch longer than 6 minutes. The cherry on the crap sundae has to be the title track, which features and rambling rap performance by someone named Bahamadia that goes on for 8 minutes. She tells me she's feeling high, that her name is Bahamadia, and that she's free-styling and whatever.
I don't think I need to go on and on again about how useless this style of music is. It's the same short section repeated on loop for way too long. The only real saving grace of this album is the bass and drums are apparently real, and whoever is playing said instruments are actually quite good at their jobs. If only they were given something interesting to do.
Perhaps the longest song on the album was "Beatbox." It featured no instruments, just some guy going, "Dut dum dum CAT duh dum CAT CAT," over and over. I know the song was only just over a minute long, but seriously, try listening to somebody beatbox for a minute without wanting to punch him.
You wanna know the absolute worst part of almost every song on this album? Invariably there will be a part of the song where everything drops out and the song gets real quiet as if it were over and done with, and it might as well be. Then suddenly everything comes crashing back in to basically repeat the entire song and make it twice as long for no good reason other than padding. New Forms just refuses to be anything less than the most pointless piece of dreck on the planet. God I hate it so much. 1 star.
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