Not looking forward to listening to more Beastie Boys music, although I suppose it's possible in 1984 they hadn't yet developed into the sample monster they were on Paul's Boutique.
Christ, was I ever wrong. "Rhymin & Stealin" kicks things off by sampling "When The Levee Breaks" which we already learned from Ice-T is a sin on par with murder. I really don't think I have to listen to more than the first 4 seconds of License to Ill to know I'm about to hear a major shitstorm. Holy hell, I don't want to do this. I don't want to spend hours cataloging all the samples the Beastie Boys rip frombetter songs by artists far more talented than these assholes. I won't apologize for saying something like that- artists who actually bother to sit down and play the music themselves will always get a thousand times more credit from me.
Anyhoo... I'm committed at this point so I might as well trudge forward. "Rhymin & Stealin" shits all over Bonzo's epic performance with random scratches and extra beats. At the very least, and I can't believe I'm giving these assholes even a modicum of credit, but at the very least the Beastie Boys have made an effort to make the different recordings match in tone.
Clearly the Beastie Boys are big Led Zeppelin fans, because "She's Crafty" apes half the riff from "The Ocean". Or maybe they hate Led Zeppelin, for the same reason. There's just no way for me to objectively judge Beastie Boys, except to say I hate them. This needs to stop really quick for me not to want to burn every Beastie Boys related thing I could get my hands on. I'm only 3 songs in. AND HOLY SHIT I DON'T CARE THAT YOUR NAME IS MIKE DEE!!!
So I've calmed down a little bit, mostly because I used to ironically like this "Girls" song. I probably don't want to listen too closely to the lyrics, but in tone and approach "Girls" reminds me of The Dictators' Go Girl Crazy, which is a positive development. Go Girl Crazy was a fun and jokey rock album with over-the-top references to classic rock stylings of the 50s. "Girls" has a bit of that in its a-capella bass line. Also quite similar are the vocalists kinda half-singing and half-talking the lyrics.
Next is "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party!)". There are 2 reasons I like this song. First it's not a rap or hip-hop song, and the instrumentation appears to be completely genuine to this recording. So I have to give it to the Beastie Boys for branching out and making real music at least once. Second, this song is meant to be a parody making fun of party anthems that were prevalent in the hair metal era. The trouble with trying to mock hair metal is deep down everyone, even hair metal fans, know hair metal is a joke. So in trying to parody the genre, the Beastie Boys may have made the greatest hair metal party anthem of all time by accident.
Did you know that one of the Beastie Boys is named Mike Dee? His name is Mike Dee, something something something. Mike Dee. Mike Dee. Mike Dee. Worse than his constant self-name-checking is he has the worst most annoying squeaky voice in the world. God I hated this album. I know, there are 2 songs on it that earned some praise, but since they are such outliers in style and substance they might as well be non-album singles. As a whole License To Ill can go eat a bag of dicks. 1 star.
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