Jesus Christ, 5 minutes is way too fucking long for a rap song. It's like a Möbius strip in your brain, especially when the backing track they sample is only 2 seconds long.
It should be a law that all rap/hip-hop albums need to sound like they could fit on the sound track for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. You know, the one that featured heavy contributions from Vanilla Ice. I have no idea if that's fair to Public Enemy or not. I get the sense that being compared to Vanilla Ice is something of an insult. But I don't really give a shit, because it's all pretty much shit.
I think "1 Million Bottlebags" is the rare anti-drinking rap song. I'm so used to hearing about rappers and their love of Hennessy or "40s". Maybe I'm just not understanding what this song is about and it's really about how much the artists love booze, but I'm pretty sure it's anti-booze, which is nice for a change. The song still sucks because it's an obnoxious rap song, but at least the sentiment is good. Again, if I'm understanding this correctly.
The album ends with Public Enemy covering their song "Bring the Noise" in collaboration with thrash band Anthrax. I'm reminded of that time Ice-T made his own thrash band for a song on O.G. Original Gangster, and it wound up being easily the worst song on that album. "Bring The Noise" meanwhile winds up being easily the best song on Apocalypse 91..., though I'm obviously quite biased. It's still a rap song but at least it's backed by actual instruments and not just shitty endlessly looping samples.
So I shouldn't be too much of an ass, because at least Public Enemy tried something different. But if I had to nitpick (I do, I really do) there's no real buildup to the last song being such a departure. The guitars just kick in and suddenly Anthrax is trying to rock our faces off without any warning. It must have been jarring to any rap fans listening to the album for the first time going, "What the fuck is this crap?"
I've been a bit soft on rap albums lately because I didn't really hate them. Maybe I'm just feeling really bitter today because I've put this project aside for a while and jumping right back in with some Public Enemy is rough for my soul. That could be why I'm only giving this 1 star when normally I wouldn't be so angry. Oh well, in the moment I hate it and this is supposed to be about snap judgments after all.
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