Prince - 1999 (1982)

(originally posted on Facebook)



OK, I have to say this... The album starts with what sounds like a rape monster telling me in a slow breathy voice that he won't hurt me and that he wants me to have fun. I'm creeped out already.

For a while I was afraid I'd never get to listen to this album because Prince seems to be against letting his music be available on the Internet. I couldn't find him on iTunes or Rdio, but found this album somewhere else (I won't tell you for fear he will strike the other albums I need from that service).

This is a very 80s album. Soooooo synthy. I'm not sure what I was expecting from Prince. Maybe because he's such a big star and considered influential I just expected more real instrumentation. I guess I tend to forget that most people, especially the ones that came of age in the 80s, don't realize how stupid and cheesy the 80s synth sounds are. I mean, some do... the people who enjoy it ironically. I can do that with some songs, like "She Blinded Me With Science". But that song is funny. Prince's 1999 doesn't strike me as being very funny.

It also doesn't strike me as being very erotic, but there's a long sequence in one song where Prince very clearly wants to have sex with the listener. Using "fuck" in such a jokey-sounding synth track and expecting it to be... uh, enticing... sexy... I don't know, but it doesn't work. I can't think of anyone that would want to have sex to this album. To be fair, I'm only four songs in at this point.

Now fifteen minutes after I wrote that I'm only five songs in. Jesus, this is the longest Casio demo track I've ever heard in my life.

After hearing most of this album I'm convinced that whoever wrote the soundtracks to the Sonic the Hedgehog games was a huge Prince fan. The problem is I like the Sonic the Hedgehog soundtracks. This kind of music works well in a 16-bit video game, but sounds ridiculously dated on a popular album.

It's finally over, and the only reason I didn't write so much after the 4 song mark is because nothing really changed in the last 45 minutes of the album. It was very long, very synthy, and very trashy- not the good kind of trashy. Kinda sleazy in parts. It wasn't awful, but aside from "1999" and "Little Red Corvette" it sure was really disappointing. I'm starting to notice a lot of albums are front-loaded with good songs. That's kinda sad. 2 stars.