(originally posted to Facebook)
So at one point there were actually groups of people who got together to create music. Occasionally these people would even play musical instruments! These were known as "bands". The ones without instruments were called "singing groups". No, I am not making fun. OK, yes I am. Sometimes I just marvel at the lineup of popular music these days being centered so much around one person (Beyonce, Kesha, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, I could go on). As recently as the 1990s this wasn't really the case, or at least I can't think of too many one-person acts beyond Madonna. Maybe I just forgot, which honestly when one talks about 90s pop culture isn't that hard to do. Anyway, today's album is by an actual 90s singing group named TLC. As you can probably guess, I did not like it.
I mean the music is fine, just banal. Then there are the little things the album does just to piss me off. Is anybody impressed when a hip hop artist says their name in a song? If I applied the same idea in my life... Yo, this is DJ Klopo hittin' ya with music reviews on F to the A to the C to the E-BOOK! I know my example is pretty lame, but hip hop guys get away with putting essentially the same thing in like 75% of their "songs". Also, I doubt this album was recorded on vinyl. Somehow they managed to achieve that scratchy, poppy background noise as if I were listening to my MP3 on an old phonograph. Note to producers: don't do that. Most people won't notice or care, and the people who do are saying, "What the fuck is that scratchy noise?" or "You know, now that everything's digital and a producer can just insert a sound effect music totally sucks!" I don't entirely agree, but I do admit that some magic is lost. I mean it used to be that producers would work to create the sound they wanted. Now the iconic sounds of the past are options in a computer program somewhere. I'm also not sure if the cheesy synth is there to be ironic or if it was used because it was the 90s and everyone actually thought it sounded cool.
The album also has a habit of installing little intermissions every few songs just to remind you the name of the album is CrazySexyCool. Then there are the painfully tame sexual lyrics... "Let's Do It Again, 'cuz I wanna make sweet love to you baby. Let's do it again, I wanna go all night long." It's actually awkward to listen to and doesn't make me think of sex. It makes me think of a 9-year-old song writer attempting to be edgy. "I been watchin' you watchin' me, and I know you want it, but it depends on how kick your game." Based on the lyrics and the botched attempt at using voice warping, I picture the song is about a pee-wee football player seducing whoever is singing and getting the run around not because she's too old but because she's unimpressed with his skills.
So the album's music was lame and it did plenty of things to make me mad. That has to be a 1-star album. I'm usually hesitant to give out 1-star reviews, but really these are supposed to be the best of the best albums ever released. If CrazySexyCool is really amongst the best the music world has to offer me I am very disappointed in music.
Comments
RAKJR - I like 4 songs on that album, as singles only. Probably would hate it in its entirety. Kid Rock always used to piss me off when he said his name in every song too. I don't think they wrote that album for all generations. Probably just one.
Me - That may be true, but it is supposedly one of the 1,001 Albums I Must Hear Before I Die. I guess I should stop mistaking that list for a 1,001 Greatest Albums of All Time list. What you say would make this album a relic, not a classic.
Lizzie - As someone who was a preteen girl in the 90s i love tlc! Robbie, wouldnt have guessed you knew too much tlc
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